The Christmas Pony, Part II

Last week, I shared the first installation of my recently unearthed childhood story, The Christmas Pony, written at age 9. If you didn’t read it, that’s okay. All you need to know from Chapters 1-2 is that my alter-ego, Julie, found a black stallion on Christmas Day, trained it, helped her poor family make money from it as a racehorse, lost the pony to a thief who turned out to be an angel who then helped the family out for 2 years. Julie then breaks her arm and leg after a thunder bolt hits the tree she’s sitting in (do not ask me how this is possible), is rushed to the hospital, endures crisis and vocalizes her despair, only to have another angel appear and tell her it’s all going to be alright because God has a wonderful plan for her life.

“What is it?” Julie wonders. “You shall see,” says the angel.

Today, we conclude The Christmas Pony saga with the sweeping narrative of Chapters 3-4.

* * *

Chapter 3) Trophies and Love

Julie was walking along the road (she was better from her broken bones) when a poor man came up to her and asked for $100.00!

She hesitated, then said:

“Why don’t you come to my house and I will give you one hundred dollars there so you will get dinner, too”!
“You are so kind”!
“I will tell you why I am so kind”. So she told him about Jesus and how he died and everything. “And that’s why I’m so kind!”
“I want to do that too!”

Julie prayed with him and they got to their house and Julie’s mom said how about $88.00 and we will feed you a meal. So he ate and left with the $88.00. The family felt really good. Then all of the sudden the angel appeared again!  

This time he said,

“Jullie, that was not part of the plan and that was me you gave the money too”!
Julie stared wide eyed at the angel. “You mean that was you”???
“Yep. Here’s a golden trophie for you since you did such a good job! God was testing you to see if you would work in one of his plans”.
“And did I”? Julie asked.
“Yes, you did. Yes, you did!”

WOW, thought Julie.
I think Love was better. Yes, I think Love was better!

Chapter 4) The Plan

Once again and angel appeard to Julie.

“It’s time for me to tell you the plan”!
What”!? Julie asked.
“God wants you to visit Heaven so God can tell you about being an missanary”!
“OOHHHH”! was Julie’s answer. “I’m SOOOOOOOOOOOO exited”!!
“Well, let’s go”! said the angel.

So they started flying way, way, up. Julie alwaysed wished she could fly and it just had come true! They finally got there. It was the most beautifull place Julie had ever seen! Sure enough, at the entrance there were the pearly gates! And it was even more exciting inside because there was a Huge bridge and under it was a stream and the stream and the bridge led to a magnificent purple castle that was way to hard to describe. Next to it was a throne and sitting on it was GOD himself! (He was too hard to describe.)

He said, “Julie, I have some plans for you to go back down to earth and tell everybody about me. I have tested you and you didn’t even know it! You will be the greatest of all missinares.”

And with that, Julie was in her own room again. She was speechless. She had gotten to go to Heaven! But that wasn’t all. She was going to be the greatest missinary ever to LIVE!

THE END.

Reading my 9-year-old heart poured out on a few pieces of paper recently has made me both laugh and cry. I laugh to see all the ways my heart tried to fix Julie’s problems with God, angels, trophies, and money. I cry when I realize I still try to do that—that I am still hoping God will reveal God’s self to me in some grand gesture—some magical way that lets me know I’m alright, that he’s proud of me, that he does, in fact, have good plans for my life.

If you were to read my journal entry the day before I found “The Christmas Pony,” you would see a similar desire expressed to know my purpose, all these years later: 

I don’t know where I am or where I am going. Every year I wait for the ‘amazing plans’ you have for my life but every year I don’t see it—I’m disappointed. I’m tired of seeking, trying, searching for purpose, for You.

Reading the angel’s words to Julie in Chapter Two—“God has something wonderful just especially for you!”—reminds me that I have been waiting for and believing in the unveiling of God’s grand purpose for my life for many years.

I just. want. to know. “The Plan.”

If I’m honest, I have been waiting for some kind of Gabriel+Mary encounter—“Hail, Mary, full of grace!”—in which an angel appears and details precisely what I’m here to do and why.

But most of the time, a heavenly Visitation is not the way it goes. Life often leaves us with more questions than answers, more pain than joy.

So where does this idea of a sparklingly clear path of destiny come from? Is it truly from God, or is it something we’ve invented to protect ourselves from disappointment?

Often, I have heard “Don’t worry, God has a wonderful plan for your life” or “God works all things together for good” used in response to inexplicable suffering. When we see someone in pain, it makes us uncomfortable. We don’t know what to do when things aren’t going the way we think they should, so we insert whatever truism covers most of our theological bases and does not require us to lean in any further to mystery or unresolved pain.

This predicament brings several questions to mind:

• Instead of tossing out a ‘Don’t-worry-this-is-all-part-of-God’s-plan’ response and slowly backing away from the scene of suffering, what if we chose to humbly admit that we cannot figure out what God is up to?

• Are we willing to release the burden of needing to explain our suffering or others’?

• Have we forgotten the hope of Heaven in the midst of trying to make sense of our experience on earth?

Far too often, I have chosen false certainty over honesty and compassion. But in the words of young Julie after feeding a homeless person, “I think Love is better.” It is only recently that I have found this to be true:

Faithfully loving God, others, and ourselves is better than ready answers, more important than success, more rewarding than fame or trophies.

In the final analysis, the apostle Paul says, only Faith, Hope, and Love will remain. But the greatest of these is Love.
The truth is, God does have goodness and mercy in store for us—but it may not look the way we expect.

Slowly, I am beginning trust that God’s wonderful plan for my life might be far simpler than I thought: to love Him and be loved by Him—the Author of all joy, meaning, purpose, and beauty.

My story will never be that of “the greatest missinary ever to live,” and that’s okay. For when I get to know the Author of all stories, I find my true place in the greater Story that’s being written—a Story that began long ago, and will keep unfolding long after I’m gone. Am I willing to let that be enough? If so, there is such freedom in letting go of our own understanding in exchange for God’s sovereignty.

Dear child of God, Love is the name of God’s wonderful, eternal plan for your life.

It is that marvelously complex and simple.

Releasing the idolization of our plans frees us to live wholly in the present—and the present is where God is. The present is where we are met with love and grace and our daily bread, moment by moment, step by step.

With this assurance in mind,

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

(Hebrews 12:3)

At this moment, Christ is seated on his throne, waiting to welcome us Home. The Plan is eternal life with Him. May that reality fill us with hope as we partner with the Spirit in discovering the Kingdom of Heaven on earth, day by day.

Amen.

*For the record, I’m still holding out for the purple castle.