Have you ever played the game “Two Truths and a Lie”? It is an ice breaker commonly played at parties that is marginally fun, mostly stressful. I do not like ice breakers. When someone says, “Let’s do an ice breaker,” I immediately start to sweat and get clammy palms. I wish we could just break actual ice instead of miserably subjecting ourselves to awkward ‘getting to know you’ games.

Anyways.

The object of this particular ice breaker is to tell two truths and one lie about yourself, and have the people around you guess which one is the lie. The strategy is to disguise the lie by telling two truths and one lie that are equally plausible or implausible.

Here’s my real-life example:

a.)   I have moved twenty three times since infancy.
b.)   My appendix ruptured when I was 8.
c.)   I have had four different last names.

This is the intended outcome: the group with whom you are breaking ice is supposed to say “Oh, no way! How awesome! Me too! I didn’t know you did that!” about the information you just shared. But it all goes downhill if you share a truth that crosses the invisible line of vulnerability which is not obvious because you are in a GROUP OF STRANGERS and is only discovered when crossed by those who (like me) tend to reveal too much too soon when anxious.

Here are the answers:

a.)   Truth
b.)   Lie (My appendix is perfectly intact)
c.)   Truth

Answer c.) is still hard for me to believe and at times makes me feel shame. The fact that I have had four different last names tends to come up during job interviews and applications, when I am forced to fill out the “other names I have been known by” box. Since the age of twenty three, I have not kept the same last name for more than two and a half years. When I got married, I gave my maiden name away and believed it was permanent. I didn’t exactly love the new German last name, but it was easier to pronounce than my 6-consonants, 3-vowels Polish last name (of which I am quite fond). When I got divorced, I wanted a last name that symbolized moving forward in life. Instead of going back to my maiden name, I chose a different family name. Now I am married again with a blessedly simple last name, one I like the sound of and feel at home in.

But even with the stability of a final name which I never intend to alter, I still feel restless and uneasy at times. I am the happiest and most content that I think I have ever been, yet the question “Who am I?” still reverberates off the pages of my life.

Having moved so often when growing up and changing names more times than I ever anticipated has left me a bit identity-whiplashed. Unlike my husband, I do not have one town I have called “home” for most of my life. I haven’t had the same name, the same church tradition, or the same community of people I’ve known since childhood to fall back on when questions of identity arise.

Over time, I have come to embrace this as a blessing because it means I cannot point to people or place as my identity. I do not have people outside of my family who watched me grow up. It is difficult for me to articulate where I am ‘from,’ because I am from everywhere and nowhere.

Despite this sense of unrootedness, I hold more people and places in my suitcase heart than I thought possible. I have been shaped and loved and supported by a plethora of people and places from around the world. Through constant change, I grew dearly close to my family. We share a deep connection that endures to this day, and this is nothing but gift.

At times, though, my suitcase full of people and places and experiences gets heavy, and I need a place to land. At times, I grow weary of never feeling quite ‘at home’ in any given place or situation. This is when I must remember the two truths and a lie that I learned through all the moves, all the names, and all the heartache that can come with change.

Truth no. 1: God is my home.

Lord, through all the generations you have been our home!
Before the mountains were born,
Before you gave birth to the earth and the world,
From beginning to end, you are God.

(Psalm 90:1-2)

Truth no. 2: God’s name—not mine—is my constant, my refuge.

The Lord’s name is a strong tower;
The righteous run to it and find refuge.

(Proverbs 18:10)

The Lie: True identity is found outside of Christ.  

All my life, I think, I have been looking for my true name—that is to say, I have been looking for my true identity. I have searched for it in friends, boyfriends, marriages, new experiences, accomplishments, and so much more—but not one of these things has been able to tell me who I really am because none of these speaks “Beloved” over me like my Creator does. When our identity is found in Christ, what the Father has said of him is also true of us:

“You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.”
(Luke 3:22)

In times of change and transition, we can rest in spaces of unknowing because the God of the universe knows every detail about our lives—every hair on our head and every freckle on our face.

And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.
So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God
Than a whole flock of sparrows.
(Luke 12:7)

You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
(Psalm 139)

When we try to glean our identity from anything or anyone other than our Creator, we will inevitably be hurt and disappointed. When we rest our identity in the unshakeable hands of the Alpha and Omega, then we are safe, we are named, we are home.

In times of change, uncertainty, and upheaval, where do you look for your identity?

Your job? Your possessions? Your body? Your relationships?

As a professional at attempting to find my identity outside of Christ, let me tell you:

***

These things ultimately will not satisfy you or tell you the truth about yourself because they are not eternal and they are not God.

You are a holy creation, a masterpiece of God’s own heart.

You have been given a name, identity, and calling on earth that only God can bestow.

Eternity is woven into the very fabric of your being.

Your truest name is and always will be Beloved.

***

Beloved of God, may today be the day that you turn once more to the One who made you, giving the entirety of yourself and the fullness of your heart to the God who knows you intimately and calls you by name.

Let it be so.